(Please be aware that this article discusses themes of domestic violence, including non-physical forms of abuse).
When people hear the words “domestic violence,” they imagine physical harm; they look for evidence in the form of bruises and breaks. But for many survivors, the harm they experience is slower and quieter, but just as damaging.
The old adage of “sticks and stone may break my bones, but words shall never hurt me,” is far from true. In reality, abuse can take on many forms, from verbal to psychological, to financial and digital. There are people who hear constant criticism that diminishes their self-worth, whose partners isolate them from their loved ones and monitor their phone, social media accounts, and location 24/7, whose parents control every penny in the household and spreads their spending thin enough to cause real struggle. These are just a few snapshots of what might be going on behind closed doors for your neighbours, colleagues, friends, or even family members.
Such hidden forms of abuse are often effective tools for abusers to wield control, especially early on in their abuse. But as communities committed to keeping one another safe, we can learn to spot early signs of domestic violence and intervene in ways that prevent the harm from escalating to that which is visible and life-threatening.
Hidden abuse is common and measurable.
Research reveals that harm at the hands of an intimate partner is alarmingly widespread around the world. The World Health Organization (WHO) estimates that:
“Globally about 1 in 3 (30%) of women worldwide have been subjected to either physical and/or sexual violence in their lifetime.”
Alarmingly, most of this is intimate partner violence. WHO reports also show that 27% of women between the ages of 15 and 49 who have been in a relationship have been subjected to physical or sexual violence by their intimate partner. This data underlines that domestic violence is a global health problem and a clear violation of women’s human rights.
Psychological aggression is defined as, “the use of verbal and non-verbal communication with the intent to harm a partner mentally or emotionally or to exert control over a partner.” This can look like isolation from others, insults, making verbal assaults or threats, intimidation, controlling behavior, stalking, humiliation, and defamation.
In the United States alone, the Center for Disease Control’s (CDC) National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey compiled reports of 61 million women and 53 million men who experienced psychological aggression by an intimate partner during their lifetime.
We often forget that men are also subject to intimate partner violence, and it’s important to remember that people from all walks of life experience domestic violence. Some stories are told more openly and frequently than others based on societal expectations, threats to safety, power dynamics, and varying levels of privilege based on race, class, and other factors.
Controlling behaviour has found new strategies in the latest technological advances. According to survivor advocates, perpetrators of domestic violence utilise digital tools like calling and texting, spyware, GPS, and social media to cause extensive harm.
A study in 2021 by the Economist Intelligence Unit surveyed women in 45 countries with the highest online populations. The data on prevalence of online violence towards women demonstrated that:
38% of women have personally experienced online violence, and 85% have witnessed online violence against other women.
What makes technology-facilitated abuse particularly dangerous is that it is not limited by the boundaries of time and space which can inhibit and prevent abuse in the physical world.
Financial abuse is also a major barrier to safety and independence. This manifests as controlling income, sabotaging work, hidden or imposed debt on a partner, denying access to money, etc. Moreover, when someone is fully economically dependent on another person, extracting themselves from a dangerous relationship can prove to be an incredible financial burden that threatens their own, as well as their family’s access to a home, to food, and other necessities.
How do we stop domestic violence?
Among the many factors contributing to this challenge, there are three main reasons why hidden abuse persists: it is normalised, invisible to outsiders, and interconnected with structural barriers.
While emergency responses in the aftermath of, or at the climax of domestic violence must be robust, prevention efforts are crucial to safeguarding the safety and wellbeing of our communities. Prevention should focus on education, resources, and non-judgemental support systems. The following are practical, evidence-based steps that we can take as leaders and citizens. Together, we can transform awareness into action in our own circles, whether it be in our faith-based communities, neighbourhoods, workplaces, schools, or beyond.
1. Teach the full spectrum of abuse:
We can train ourselves, our staff, our volunteers, educators, and community leaders to recognise more than just the signs of physical injury. We should be vigilant to evidence of emotional, financial, and digital abuse. There are resources and toolkits that provide clear guidance on recognising domestic violence. The U.S.’s National Domestic Violence Hotline features many helpful resources, among them a guide to identify and recognise abuse by a partner in its different forms.
2. Offer low-risk, confidential pathways to help
Create easily-accessible, discrete ways for survivors to reach out for help. This could be private chats at schools and workplaces, access to a community advocate, posting resources, 24/7 hotlines, chat services, etc. for people to have regular access to.
3. Build economic support systems
To mitigate the potential of survivors being trapped in a dangerous situation on account of their financial dependence on their abuser, crisis resources should also include financial support services like emergency cash assistance, shelters, food supplements, job support, and legal aid. Find out if there are such programmes available in your area, help create and expand them, and be ready to help survivors in your life by referring them to these support services.
4. Prioritise digital safety
Advocates and first-responders should be trained on tech safety, including how to check devices for spyware, change passwords, and conduct social media investigations. As individuals, we can be more aware of the environment we are helping to co-create online: Is it one of negativity and judgement? Or are we creating spaces centred around respect, empathy, and safety?
5. Change culture
Whether we find ourselves in the position of the survivor or the bystander, the subject of domestic violence is still considered taboo, secretive, and unfamiliar territory. Through increased awareness, we can be empowered and prepared to intervene safely or reach out for help when it is needed. We can learn to name concerning patterns of behaviour out loud among those we trust, and offer concrete help such as a safe place to talk, transportation, childcare etc. We can train ourselves to respond not by shaming or pressuring, but by offering ourselves as non-judgemental parties ready to connect survivors to services if they so choose.
You don’t need to be an expert to help.
Learn the signs, keep a trusted hotline number handy, believe survivors, and offer concrete support. For urgent, confidential help: call your national domestic violence hotline. If someone is in immediate danger: call emergency services.
Who is Hussain volunteers all around the world are committed to acting as champions of empathy and stewards of just societies. They understand that domestic violence prevention is both a public-health effort and a collective practice. Reach out to your local Who is Hussain chapter if you are interested in organising a project that helps to end domestic violence.
When we commit ourselves to recognising both hidden and visible forms of abuse, and create low-risk ways for people to get help: we transform communities into sanctuaries.
